Thank You for Not Farting

Psst!   Hey!  All you No-Smoking types!   (This includes me)  I think I've stumbled on to a reason why your campaigns aren't working!!!   

No, it's not  because smokers can't quit/don't want to quit. 

They might stop smoking, but they want another excuse to leave the room!!!

Sure, a patch or a piece of gum might sooth their craving, but it doesn't excuse them from the room at those akward times when a person just wants to get the hell out of an uncomfortable social situation.   Today, there's nothing like excusing oneself for a cigarette break for that.   This is where the anti-smoking crowd needs to find an alternative! 

Smokers don't just need nicotine. They need an escape!!!!

At a family gathering and just can't stand to hear another argument or lecture?   The smoker needs to be given options to get out of the room.  Here are a few I've thought of:

"Excuse me, I have this thing up my nose, does anyone have a kleenex?"

"I'm on strict orders from my dentist to floss after every meal."

"I really must go out for some air,

But, of course these excuses can only be used so many times.  So, I call on the non-smoking groups; the American Lung Association, the American Cancer Society, the FDA, CDC, and any other interested party --  A new annoying habit must be created!!!   


Oh, I believe I have the vapors!!